I'm Not In Love

Today I:

- Dealt with crazy people who believe that High Fructose Corn Syrup is what is making Republicans go crazy and call Obama "Hitler".
- Dealt with a crazy and/or drunk coworker who couldn't remember how to do something she's done every day for the last two years.
- Made my assistant manager so upset with me that she stopped talking to me altogether. A feat I didn't know was POSSIBLE.

Yay! Go me and my fun ass day. I'm gonna go collapse now.

Clean Bedroom
Clean Kitchen
Clean Bathroom
Clean Living Room/Dining Room
Organize Junk
Pack up computer


Get rid of couch
Bring in book cases.
Get pictures framed.
Get mirror strung.
Do Laundry (On Going)

Ooooh, look at me. Using my second rename token in as many months.

This should be the last one for awhile.

So calyx, aka thebestmakeup, aka butterflies, is now babyrae. As it's my nickname from work.

Today I got all maudlin and morose and wrote up this long entry about why I think I'm done with RP and the whys and hows and blah blah blahs and by the time I got to the end of the post? I realized the whys, the hows and the blah blah blahs didn't matter. And all my confusion over the past couple of months about what to do and how to do it? Stupid.

I've always known what to do, I just didn't want to do it.

I had fun rping. A TON of fun. Met some awesome people - and some not so awesome - and I wouldn't take that back for the world. But in the process? I somehow managed to lose myself. I became a slave to reps that didn't always come and allowed my emotions to take over when they didn't. RP broke my heart many times and a thousand different ways and I let it. I've always had an addictive, obsessive personality and I let myself use RP as a way to focus my unhappiness with my personal life into an escape. That's not healthy and it's not ok.

So as of now, I'm on hiatus from all my games. I need to spend some time working my way out of the rut I've managed to dig for myself. Do things like leave my apartment on the weekends, or maybe even CLEAN my apartment more than once every six months. Luckily enough, I wasn't really DOING any rp at the moment, so I don't think I'll be missed much. Later on this month, I'll come back and finish up the pregnancy storylines I've got started and then I'll make a final decision about whether or not I want to keep everyone in or finally just quit.

It's time I stopped running and take control of my life.

I think I'm having a major RP crisis. I decided to take this week off, just to get my head in order but I don't think this discontented feeling is just going to go away. I suppose what I really need to do is just PLAY, but I don't have the drive to do that. To seek out new people to play with. I liked who I was playing with. I was having fun. But now, I'm not and I don't know how to get that feeling back. I think, well maybe I could create new characters and delete old ones. But all I really know how to play are deities and I don't really have a place to put new characters at the moment.

I just feel like there is something missing, something wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I don't want to quit, but it just feels so...stale.

UTR:

Kia: Sexing Cash and Eliot, owning Jack Daniels.
Styx: Going shopping with Weezy as soon as I make the damn post
Dolos: OPEN
Momos: OPEN
Ares: OPEN
Psyche: OPEN


BAR:

Hedone: Eating until she explodes.
Cordy: Talking to Dean
Dolos: OPEN
Lilith: OPEN


Cado:

Dolos: Waiting with Apate for Dite and Pei.
Ossa: With Dite, can be OPEN
Momos: With Deimos
Psyche: Waiting for Eros.
Kia: OPEN
Ares: OPEN

( It's 5 AM. I guess that means it's time for a mini-breakdown, right? No? Well, too fucking bad. I'm going to have one anyway. WARNING: Stupid, selfish stresses ahead. Read only at your own risk. )

I need a magic wand that will fix everything with just a wave.

Oh man. Taylor Lautner is so fucking hot. I would hit that five ways from Sunday...err...once he's legal that is.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE stories about people who kill cats and dogs. It hurts my heart and I can't get them out of my head. It's horrid.

So really Yahoo, if you could you know not put horrible headlines like that up? I'd be oh so thankful. Really, I'd rather hear about all the other 99 million other bad things on this planet then that.

New name for thebestmakeup!

Thank ramdonomo and pay_the_piper for choosing it for me.

You know, everytime - EVERY FUCKING TIME - I talk to my mother; I end up feeling like a sack of shit.

Tell me how a fifty year old woman has a colonoscopy and then lays in bed for three days with a 102 degree temperature before she calls her BOYFRIEND that lives in fucking TENNESSEE and has him TEXT me. Not call. Text. And not only that? GUILT text. "She needs someone that cares about her to come take care of her. Can U?"

Then, when I tell him, after the SECOND repeated text, that I'm going but she'll have to call me next time. Because really, she didn't seem to have a problem calling HIM. Believe me, I'm a cheaper telephone call. She FINALLY calls me to do the "Don't come. Just forget about me. Forget all about me." guilt call?

Did she think I was going to show up? Did she think I was going to race over there and fight with her? Or to reassure her that I don't want to forget her? And really? WHY would you sit in bed for THREE DAYS with a temperature? THREE FUCKING DAYS?

Seriously, it's like she has no ability to think for herself. And I'm really, really tired of being my mother's mother.

If I were a month I would be: April
If I were a day of the week I would be: Sunday
If I were a time of day I would be: 3 AM
If I were a planet I would be: The Moon (Not a planet, but it fits.)
If I were a sea animal, I would be: A turtle.
If I were a direction, I would be: Straight.
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: A bed.
If I were a historical figure, I would be: Marie Antoinette.
If I were a liquid, I would be: Rum.
If I were a stone, I would be: Opal.
If I were a sin I would be: Gluttony.
If I were a tree, I would be: Fir.
If I were a bird, I would be: A jaybird.
If I were a tool, I would be: Scroll Saw.
If I were a flower, I would be: Gerbera Daisy.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Sunny.
If I were a mythical creature I would be: Phoenix.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: A flute.
If I were an animal, I would be: A cat.
If I were a color, I would be: Orange.
If I were an emotion, I would be: Nervousness.
If I were a vegetable, I would be: Broccoli.
If I were a sound, I would be: A laugh.
If I were an element, I would be: Mercury.
If I were a car, I would be: A Beetle.
If I were a song, I would be: Your Love by Outfield.
If I were a movie, I would be: Something where people get eaten by dead people.
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Michael Bay
If I were a book, I would be: Holding Out by Anne O. Faulk
If I were a book, I would be written by: Nora Roberts
If I were a food, I would be: Chips and Salsa
If I were a place, I would be: San Diego.
If I were a material, I would be: Egyptian Cotton
If I were a taste, I would be: Sweet.
If I were a scent, I would be: Tangerine.
If I were a word, I would be: Bright.
If I were a body part, I would be: Lips.
If I were a subject in school, I would be: Music.
If I were an object, I would be: A picture.
If I were a facial expression I would be: A smile.
If I were a shape I would be a: A star.

Look at the awesome header and userinfo combo that scifijunkie made me! It's so pretty and she made matching ones for Kia's journal too!

Pretty!Kat Von D is PRETTY!

You know, there are days where I feel absolutely alone. Unloved, and unwanted.

This weekend? Not one of them.

Of course, it was my birthday, but still. Every single one of my friends, EVERY SINGLE ONE, managed to make it to my party(-ies...actually, as I had two). Every one.

I was amazed and awed. You all just blew my mind away. Thank you for making my birthday as fucking amazing.

I just stepped on Fred in the dark and ended up with several bleeding places on my legs. Ow.

It's my birthday in four days! WOOT!

I really need to use this journal more. I actually like the journal name over here.

I hate this journal name.

Any suggestions as to what I should change it to?

Wicked is going to be at the Paramount in September. Maybe I should buy tickets as I've never seen it before...


OH WAIT. I HAVE.

IN NEW YORK. ON BROADWAY. IN THE FRONT MOTHERFUCKING ROW.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUCK IT, PARAMOUNT!